digest that and let me know what you think ...

Well I have had an interesting week;  I have witnessed a death.  I have attended as someone  I loved made funeral arrangements  ...  I have been supportive through all of that & then some.    And of course,  I have watched as it all unfolded.  The is what I do - I am a witness.   I observe ...

I  have felt all of the ups & downs.   I have experienced the helplessness & the emptiness ...  the sorrow & the joy that are inherent in the passing of  a beloved friend/family member.   And I watched as others walked through that same shared experience ...   They each did their best to comfort each other & to  find solace themselves.  I have lots to think about ...

Everybody Hurts ... Take Comfort In

your friends, your faith ... whatever it takes. 

Delores is comfortable and she will slip away soon - I am sad.   I am afraid ....     While I was in treatment, I was introduced to "Mad, Sad, Glad & Afraid" ...  While I had experienced those feelings prior to that, I never knew they had names.     Familiarity has not made me much more comfortable with them.   Honestly, with the exception of glad I don't really care for their company.

Everybody cries ... Everybody hurts, some time. 

7 Days ...

Seven more more days ... An' I'll be waitin' at the station ...  Well it has been a long week.   New year, big changes!

But today I learned that I've lost an aunt.  And soon my gf's mom is likely to pass away. I know how precious life is ... I know it better than most people. It hurts; it is frightening.

I have my faith, I have my friends and I realize just how big the "ripples" of any single life are as we pass through the universe. 

I have seen many people this week and watched the various ways that they are coping with their own crisis ... And I have felt a profound empathy as each has intersected along my path.   I have watched the gentle and caring staff as they tended to the patients ... I do not envy them that burden.  I admire them, but I don't envy them.

Thank God for psychotherapy

For a very long time I have nurtured one single relationship in my life regularly.  That would be the one between myself & my therapist.   To quote John Baldry, "I'm not really mental; its just that I've got bad nerves".   But seriously, it has been a touchstone in my journey.  One that began when I was just over a year clean & sober.

I suspect that it will soon fade, but just for today I will continue to make use of it.   And today I needed that!   This has been a challenging week.  With all the time I've spent at the hospital and pushing "my will" against the universe.   You think that I would know better ... but I still believe in miracles & majic..

Now if only I could learn to Tust God's Will ...

Lonliness ...

I have 2cellphones; they never ring.  They emphasize just how lonely I am. 
My girlfriend's mom is seriously ill, and I've spent some time in the ICU at the hospital lately.   I see just how fragile life is ...   And I remember the infinite emptiness between flashes of awareness  ... The void between instants that are lifetimes.

If you are reading this,  know that you are loved.   Pass It On!