Friday, May 18, 2012

I Hear Voices ...

From time to time I find myself alone.  I don't let it happen often because that is when the echoes get the loudest.   No really, I walk in a room & turn on a tv or radio just to keep it at bay.

Still from time to time it happens and I get lost in the echoes.   It is exhausting and I generally end up talking to God.   And when that happens, I admit that I Am Tired!!!

So today I experienced one of those moments ... and then it passed.  The voices are still there...  the pain and loneliness are still there ... the fatigue is still there.   I'm still alone, but I should be okay.

Friday, May 4, 2012

I'm a carnivore.  Its true. I harbor a secret desire to run something down & rip its throat out with my teeth (or whats left of my teeth).   So sometimes the meat department at the supermarket just stinks too much for me to spend enough time there to pick through the junk that they try  to pass off as edible.

But yesterday evening, it wasn't just the food ... everything & everyone was just too darn fragrant.   Cheap chemical body products, sweaty fat people, children ...   Still I managed to spend $150.00 getting groceries for a single person; I must have been hungry.   Even when I got out side  the air smelled of the storm and walking home the air under the power lines smelled like it always does when the air is heavy and humid.

You may wonder why any of this is worth talking about?  But you see that is the thing, my nose does not work like yours does.  Most of the time I smell "Life" & "death"  ... if it is about to go mouldy, I smell it  ... if there is a dead mouse in a field I smell it.   But all of my life if people said "smell this"  I couldn't.  And then on rare occasions ... it is like someone turns on the stereo full volume ... and the smell of opening a coffee can of the fridge is enough to gag me.  ... and even then most of the time it goes away ... but last night ...  Last night I could have hunted with the wolves.  Smells in technicolor!!!

I am trying to make an effort to control what I eat, which means cooking more of my food from scratch.  We'll see if it helps me to get my blood pressure down a bit further.    But the house sure smelled good as I made shepherds pie from scratch