My name is [my name here] & I'm A Friend of Jimmy K

For the record, I have changed my radio station ... CKBY out of Smiths Falls.  As much as I dislike their on-air staff, and the fact that you cannot hear a decent newscast, I just cannot listen to any more CFRA.   Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against dinosaurs, and I love news, but enough.  

Now on with the day.   I went back to my old home-group last night.   I had not been there in an entire year.  And I went back for the exact same reason; I had a sponsee celebrate a recovery anniversary.  Congrats on another 24 hours ... Keep coming back.

There are 60 seconds in a minute, 86, 400 seconds in a day; 31, 536,000 seconds in a year.  If it only takes a moment to make a wrong choice, then you might imagine how many right choices it takes to get from one to another.  It is no mean feat!   You see, when we first get clean/sober, we are very close to our bottom.  The horrors of our addiction & the wreckage of our past are right there .. in our face & we can no longer ignore them."When we were beaten, we became willing..."      But as we begin to amass time and little chains of success ... as we learn how to "live and enjoy life without the use of ..."   we begin to move away from that chaos.   It begins to fade into that fog ... the mists of time ... (Miranda Lambert: The House That Built Me - great song - touches one of those buried `holes in my soul` )  and we start to feel confident.  A little at a time, we begin to think I can handle these ups and downs that life throws my way.  And the truth is, with the help of people who care and a loving Higher Power ... we can; but alone we are still powerless.  Frequently, I have seen people forget that  ... as they become more and more confident they forget the pain ... they forget the shame & the grief & then they forget to come back.  And in many cases they succumb to a terminal disease ...  but it all starts with a momentary lapse of  consciousness ... in an second they make a different choice.

Then, the self-loathing, the degradation, the shame, the guilt, the grief, and all the horrors can come back; maybe in a flood .. or it may take a little longer.   I do not know many who do not end up back at their bottom  or even deeper in despair.  You see, now they have the added fear that recovery won't work for them.    I cannot risk that  ... and that is why more than 662,256,000  seconds ago I made a decision that I hope to never ever have to make again ...  and I am grateful ... that " Just For Today, I never have to use again."