my need to be accepted

Ok so let's discuss this since it seems to be so important in my psyche. Not that it matters really but I seem to feel an overwhelming need to be accepted by everyone. The mere hint of rejection causes me to become quasi-obsessed with finding some way to "fix" that relationship. This behaviour has been a part of WHO I am for a long as I can remember. I have a whole slew of acquaintances who are only in my life today because they have rejected me at some point in the past. I have worked very hard to build & maintain those relationships because they are one-sided.

I once told my father that "one hand reaching out can bridge a vast distance" however, it cannot go all the way. For a true connection to happen there needs to be something at the other end ... some substance to grasp, and something to hold on to. Otherwise, the situation is pointless. So recently, I have been looking at the relationships in my world and asking "what am I reaching for?" The more I do this the less I like the answer ... I am reaching out to so many to avoid being left behind. However, when I honestly ask what do they have to offer, I generally find that most of them have nothing I want - with the exception of physical companionship. And if I honestly ask "Am I physically attracted to them?" I find the answer is "No, but it is better than being alone".

Sigh - I'm in love with the idea of being in love. That is probably not unusual and the need to be accepted, loved, needed is fairly common for a social animal. But I need to start checking my motives in so far as my interpersonal relationships go. Do I really like (insert name here) or am I just trying to avoid being alone with my thoughts.